Reasons Why Women Date Older Men

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Older Men Dating Younger Women Is Normal

oldermanyoungwomanIt’s funny how, as chil­dren, we’re told that it’s what’s inside that counts; to treat oth­ers the way we want to be treated; not to judge oth­ers; and that it’s impor­tant to have role mod­els. It’s also inter­est­ing how these refrains go out the win­dow when we encounter some­one who doesn’t quite see the world the same way we do.

What’s wrong with older men dat­ing younger women? Nothing!

A lot of famous, inspi­ra­tional men who we’ve looked up to have dated and/or mar­ried women much younger than them. U.S. Pres­i­dent Grover Cleve­land, South African anti-apartheid activist Nel­son Man­dela, writer J.D. Salinger, artist Pablo Picasso, astro­naut Buzz Aldrin, and sil­ver screen roy­alty such as Humphrey Bog­art, Lau­rence Olivier, Fred Astaire, Robert Red­ford, and Jerry Sein­feld are all exam­ples of older men dat­ing younger women.

But you don’t have to be rich or famous to date or marry much younger women.

Sure, there are a num­ber of stereo­types about older men dat­ing younger women, but that doesn’t mean they’re true. Older men who date much younger women are not all cads who left their wives in a des­per­ate attempt to relive their check­ered uni­ver­sity years. Like­wise, the much younger girl­friends are not all brain­less won­ders con­tent with being eye candy.

On the other hand, if you’re an older man mar­ried to or want­ing to date a younger woman just because she’s younger, then per­haps the stereo­types apply—in which case, you prob­a­bly don’t care.

For the most part, older men dat­ing younger women are look­ing for the same thing every­one is—to find an intel­li­gent, nice, and beau­ti­ful per­son they can con­nect with. As a result, a rela­tion­ship between an older man and younger woman can be just as healthy as a rela­tion­ship between two peo­ple the same age.

After all, rela­tion­ships are more com­pli­cated just than one issue. If age was the lit­mus test for mar­i­tal suc­cess, the divorce rate would be sig­nif­i­cantly lower.

Half your age-plus-seven rule: To avoid being embar­rassed in public—and to stop peo­ple star­ing and snickering—it’s been sug­gested that our cul­tural dat­ing rule of thumb says older men are not sup­posed to date women younger than half-their-age-plus-seven. For exam­ple, using this equa­tion, a 45-year-old man shouldn’t date any­one younger than 29-and-a-half; though he can round up or down at his leisure—probably down.

Not sur­pris­ingly, some have sug­gested a sim­i­lar equa­tion that opens up the dat­ing door for older men even more. Instead of half-their-age-plus-seven, the other equa­tion is to take seven years right off the top and divide by two. This sim­ple adjust­ment means a 45-year-old man could sup­pos­edly date a woman as young as 19 and still avoid being a cul­tural cast-off.

Though really, when you think about it, any older man that looks at a younger woman and con­sid­ers whether or not she fits into this rule is basi­cally admit­ting that it’s more impor­tant to bend to those who are intol­er­ant ageists than to be happy.

For rela­tion­ships to suc­ceed, cou­ples need to: con­nect emo­tion­ally, phys­i­cally, and spir­i­tu­ally; feel free to be them­selves, be vul­ner­a­ble, and know they can make mis­takes and be accepted uncon­di­tion­ally. Cou­ples also need to have fun, grow, and evolve together.

The last part is espe­cially impor­tant for older men dat­ing younger women. Why? Because you’re vio­lat­ing everyone’s con­cept of what an accept­able rela­tion­ship is. Con­nect­ing and hav­ing fun means suc­ceed­ing where oth­ers thought you’d fail.

Sadly, every­one seems to be pre­oc­cu­pied with the idea of age when it comes to older men dat­ing younger women. A weird thing to obsess over when there are more men con­cerned about find­ing women based on their hair color, height, weight, eye color, and cup size; or being turned off because her toes are too long (or any other triv­ial phys­i­cal trait).

Age is just a num­ber. Older men date younger women. Some find their soul mates while oth­ers do not. But it’s worth the risk.

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Age Differences – Does it Really Matter Anymore?

images (2)“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

The question is simple, as life expectancy goes up and people take better and better care of themselves, do traditional notions of appropriate age differences in relationships matter? Are we just making it harder on ourselves by refusing to consider potential partners who are outside our age limits? Or are the cultural similarities that occur between people of similar ages important enough to be deal-breakers?

Of course, if having children is in your plans and you’re a man, the age of your partner matters. There are certainly ways for older women to conceive children, but most men who want families tend to try and date women who are younger than 40.

Aside from that scenario, however, is there any reason that a 30-year-old woman can find love with a 37-year old and not a 44-year-old? How about a 50-year-old? Knowing that there are men of that age who are in great shape, physically attractive, interesting and successful is there a reason to categorically exclude these men?

Men often pursue younger women, even if they aren’t interested in a family. The typical reason being, “that’s who I’m more attracted to.” But again, the “sex appeal boundary” gets pushed out further and further as women in their 50’s and 60’s find themselves as public sex symbols. Kim Catrell of Sex in the City fame is 55. Jane Seymour is 60. Jaclyn Smith is 62. And while most people aren’t as attractive as these, it is certainly possible to meet someone significantly older who is sexy and attractive.  Is having a policy against it a good idea?

Women in their 50’s will often narrowly restrict their dating range because they have a fear of meeting and falling in love with an older man – and then having to deal with his health issues. Men certainly have a shorter average lifespan than women, but this doesn’t tell you anything about a particular guy. Is it wise for a woman of 55 to consider a relationship with a man who is 65 or 70?

Finally, there’s also the impact of “the marketplace”. Like it or not, there are ages and individuals who feel that their value in the dating world is so high that they can have success with a very narrow set of criteria. It might be easy to think of a very attractive 25-year-old man or woman saying, “I can date whomever I want, and I only want people who are within two years of my age either way.” While any person is free to do what they like when looking for a relationship, is it to the benefit of the searcher to cast in such a narrow fashion?

These are all interesting questions that reflect a real change in the way people age and date. What do you think?

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